How Rituals Lead to the Greatest Love of All
So let me start by saying my biggest lesson in 2017–2018 was the importance of self care, self love, and the power of nurturing your damn self. My self worth and validation was tied heavily into what I did for others and as a result I became an accomplished people-pleaser and caregiver. I did cute things for myself like buying fresh flowers, I ate fairly healthily, I had an on-off relationship with exercise, I slept well, and took care of my appearance — but it was all for the wrong reasons, ego-led, and with misplaced intention.
In 2017 I became unwell. At first I believed it was the result of a very painful heartbreak (it wasn’t my first rodeo in this department) but it hit harder. Yet it wasn’t the break-up at all, rather a brain condition that has made me reevaluate… well... everything. I am a therapist so my mind proceeded to process and spring into action in order to keep on swimming. As a single mother and having a job I loved there was no opportunity to stop even when I knew I was off. Life had to go on… but life didn’t want to play by my rules and if I wouldn’t stop it would stop me. The condition I have is of no consequence but the impact it has on my perception of what self care and self love are has been monumentally life-changing and life-affirming.
I was sick and in bed for weeks and this time gifted me the opportunity to start from scratch. I couldn’t default into all of the tricks I would usually do to care for myself, like getting my hair done, nails done, and on to a night out with friends, etc. Not that all of those things are not fantastic but what I’m talking about here are small daily rituals that keep you cared for and that feed your soul. Oprah calls these moments… ‘ahhh moments’.
What I want to share is how to cultivate self love and care into your daily lives and what I believe it really means.
So here’s the bomb:
Self love is self discipline, babes!!
Let that sink in.
It’s finding ways to consistently show up for yourself every single day, to prioritise yourself, and to commit to actions that benefit YOU! How many personal trainers or nutritionists have you heard pleading with us to just be consistent? Why is it so hard to do what’s right for ourselves, our health of mind and body, when we willingly bend over backwards for others?
There are a multitude of ways to incorporate rituals into your lives and I’ll be writing about these here on my blog in the future, but today let's start with the beauty of your morning.
May I suggest that an indicator of how your day will play out is how you begin. If you’re waking up with your intentions as your priority, you are grabbing the bat and you’re ready to play ball.
If you usually wake up and snooze, run to get the kids ready, or perhaps wake up due to worry or dread, set your alarm just 15–30 minutes before.
15 minutes for yourself is all you need. I started with 15 minutes and now I take 30–45mins as it is addictive and I enjoy the peace of early morning. Do not pick up your phone. I am not going to dictate what your rituals may be but I thought I would share mine with you as an insight. There is also a great book called Miracle Mornings by Hal Elrod which is a great read.
Malee’s morning rituals look like this:
For the first five minutes, I meditate. I am a novice but I observe my thoughts, regulate my breath, listen to guided meditation or soft music.
I love to journal, I find it's a wonderful way to park my thoughts, schedule and I enjoy the practice of gratitudes. I have struggled with gratitudes as sometimes when life has felt unfair I find myself writing without the sensation of thanks but, boy, when I reflect on those weeks in my bed in 2017 and everything I asked the universe for, all the things I had previously overlooked and taken for granted, I find my way back to an overwhelming sense of wonder at my life. So I write my list of thanks, sometimes it will be five things I’m grateful for and at times it's been pages. This practice can flow into affirmations organically and I often make a note.
I also set five weekly daily habits and I tick those off daily to stay on track. E.g.; learning Latin dance, couch-to-5k, eating clean, drinking eight glasses of water...
I read five pages of a book I’ve committed to finishing.
I get up and stretch. An incredible human and coach, Erica Danielle, sensed that I, like most of us, lived in my head and she advised me to MOVE! Move into my body. I have worked on my yoga practice, stretching, various forms of exercise and dancing around my room to allow myself time in my body and it has done wonders for my connection to self. It is such a powerful tool for me to come back to myself and feel ‘in my body’ that I start my day with movement and use it as a ritual throughout the day.
By the time I get downstairs I am ready to mindfully make my coffee and I savour it.
I drink fresh juice daily for my vitality. I remember thinking that juicing was such a long-winded process and then checking myself for my own assumption. If it was for my son or anyone else I loved I would do it in a second, therefore I now make my juices knowing it is a gift of health to myself.
I am lucky enough to have dogs, two of my own and two that I am an aunt to. Our morning hugs are the best.
I open a window and I invite the day in…
Your morning shower isn’t just for hygiene and social etiquette, it is the perfect time to connect with your intentions and to imagine any worries being washed away. I manifest a storm in the shower.
From this point on I am more present, calmer, and ready to begin my day from a place of worthiness. You will be ready to care for others around you as you have yourself. Remember we teach people how to treat us, respect us and love us by how we do just that for ourselves. So love yourself, babes, and start your day for you.
Let me know how you get on.
Good Morning xx
